Aileen

brian, mark, regan and billy joel all the way on the ride home speeding down ocean parkway smelling the salty waves <3

friday. beautiful. 65 degrees high, perfect fall weather. flipflops. everything just seemed simply, so right. that morning, dan schwartz gave me a hug because when i was drunk, he told me i said every time i saw him, i always wanted to give him a hug. (totally true. he's like a teddy bear.) hehe. skipped IH. greatest decision of life. ever. quartet rehearsal went really well for our group. ate lunch with mr. curtiss, ang and meg. practiced with amazing meg. did nothing for a few hours. orchestra played in the afternoon, not at night, hung out with christian, mike and eventually jess. watched lord of the rings. walked to maxi's in the middle of the two discs, ran into shane and zach miley. went back. jess left early. mike, christian and i talked till four o clock. am. christian is going to get me a white horse for christmas. hehe. kidding. tickle fights? walked christian back halfway. at halfway point, we stood there talking for a few more minutes, ballet positions. first hug. he's really sweet. i tell him (like i tell everyone else to call me when he gets home. does so.)

saturday. another beautiful day. got a ticket from meghan's friend cherie's friend to see mat in urinetown. he's amazing, as always. sat with melissa landro, her bf, mat's mom and dad. met up with ang after, waited online for community rush tix for orchestra concert. walked to mariott by the convention center to pick up tita lou (on the way, we saw rob and dan waiting at the academy house to get student tix to see la boheme. told them to call me after.) walked to morton's steakhouse. expensive! but it was so good, good conversation, it was nice. got her a cab, walked around afterwards until intermission of orchestra concert. snuck into kimmel, saw second half (fountains of rome, firebird. amazing. conductor = amazing too.) sat with ang. then she met up with chris, dan called me. caught michele z on the sidewalk, told me miriam from sos was here, we caught her on the sidewalk before she had to go home with her two friends. lots of screaming lol. walked to dan and rob's with michele, on the way, we stopped at a building with a dance party and that was projecting artwork onto the building across. handjive playing, people dressed up, guard let us in and gave us m&m's with inscriptions?!? (which we later learned that guard turned away rob and dan... and rob wants inscripted m&m's for his 21st birfdayyy) so watched home alone with rob and dan until 12, came back to temple by myself, went over to jambol's to hang out with a messed up him, grant and liz.

<3333 weekendssss

i love weekends. here especially.

friday: shopping with jess. i got a green 3/4 sleeved shirt, which is necessary, considering it feels like the only tops i have here are a drawer full of tank tops which are most definetly not fitting for the season. we decided to then watch titanic because she's never seen it before and cook chili and mexican rice and have it with lots of cheese. jess molan and christian came over for dinner as well and it was nice. i then went with bowman to pick up her boyfriend from the train station (finally figured out where it is...) which is cool, reminded me of the ronkonkoma train station for a bit, saw hieu there, who was waiting for his girlfriend too. so yeah. cool. then we got back and all watched it... 3 hour movie... dayummm. and i had a weird craving for waffles the entire time. haven't had any yet, up to this minute of my life. by the time it was over, we all agreed it was too late for christian to go home, so i offered him my bed to sleep in, while i slept in liz's and surprisingly, he agreed. we switched him from molan's guest card to mine... and we got back... and while i cleaned, we were talking. and we kept talking. about everything. until 5 in the morning. he also wore my clothes. i'm a lot shorter than he is (i'm a lot shorter than everyone really... except for liz and jambol) so my pants did look a little bit funny on him, but the pink nysssa shirt seemed to fit fine. :o) but it was nice to have someone around on a friday night, while i wasn't drunk or messed up in anyway just to talk to like that, and to get to know. i really think i like him, i don't know why i'm so up in the air about it... maybe because i'm afraid? but i don't know what i'm afraid of. he's kind and i think he's cute. and all that jazz, so i don't know what's really holding me back from accepting the fact that i like him?

saturday, really unproductive. watched grey's anatomy, really all day. ate. hm. oh went to see ragtime with rebecca, meg and lauren! which was a fun time, they're great girls. the guy rebecca's hooking up with (devin) drove us to some party (where i was again drizzunk, haha.) off of jello shots and meg's wine. but it was fun. left around 2, slept around 3. we are getting better with sleeping, ey? (not really, haha.)

this morning, went to church... christian :o) SAW BORAT WITH LAUREN ELLIS AND BOUGHT GOOD CANDY/FOOD!!! HAHAHAH. yay. so yeah. it was SO FUNNY. and i'm glad. it was just me and her and i loved it and yeah. so then, watched more grey's, ate dinner with molan, bowman and molan's bf brian.. and yeah! that's about it! sooo cool.

i have to practice (and clearly work on my writing skills lolzzzz), but i am putzing! and i shouldn't be!

<3

concert this sunday. sucked. got shitfaced on saturday at mark, brian, tony's? so fun. yay. lots of pictures..

romeo and juliet with jess and jess last night and melting over the ridiculous sappy scences and cookies till 2am on a sunday night.

<3 weekends that i don't spend at school because sometime you need to just get away.
<3 good study groups with faves and dance parties and ice cream and french fries and pretzels
<3 rittenhouse square on a perfect fall night
<3 rittenhouse square in general
<3 good friends
<3 half priced appetizers at applebees and really friendly waiters like hak and jamal.. hahah
<3 the endless array of food choice at the reading terminal market
<3 never getting sick of walnut street
<3 adzokpi
<3 good friends
<3 new winter coats
<3 skipping
<3 kimmel center, philly orchestra... and their bathrooms lol
<3 knowing answers to test questions
<3 good people.

<3 life

i loved sex and the city-esque dinner i had with some of my favorite girls. and the subject of boys. ohh the subject of boys. then warm starbucks and park benches on a night when the weather is perfect and yellow leaves are floating off the trees.

maybe i am over it? maybe i'm not. my heart still hurts thinking about what could have been, which i feel like i shouldn't even be thinking about because it's isn't what IS. but i can't help it, and i guess i just answered my own opening question. i got my chocolate cake fix (2x's) since the craving and boy, has it hit the spot. although i miss biava plenty, rossen milanov makes the temple university symphony orchestra sound the best it possibly can, it's been a great 2 weeks working with him. i haven't practiced in three days. lesson on monday. tsk on my part. but i'll make up for it tomorrow. i'm nervous about midterms. and i own half a violin that i am completely enamored with.

also:
fiddler813: tux = oo la la
AMiniHaha13: hahah tuxedos on men have an effect on girls.
fiddler813: no
fiddler813: they have EFFECTS
fiddler813: plural
fiddler813: oh boy do they ever

teehehe

life <3

the philadelphia orchestra is the one thing in my life thus far that has made me forget to breathe. they make time and space stop moving, and no i am not kidding. tchiak 6 <3

i cannot wait for 2 weekends from now when they play sibelius 2... my absolute favorite symphony in the worldddd <3. i want to share that experience with everyone and everything and ah wowwwiamsoinlovewiththemican'thelpit.


in other news
DAMN YANKEES

philly orchestra + lang lang and chopin's piano concerto + shostakovich 5 = orgasmically delicious.

i mean seriously.

and can you believe it; the only two pieces i have ever cried during while playing (shosty 5, sibelius), the orchestra is playing this season. wowwwww iaminlovewiththemmm

i am craving a moist ridicula-delicious chocolate cake. with icing. i can't decide if the icing should be vanilla or chocolate, but it has to be amazing (like the chocolate cake). and i want to eat big amounts of this cake without gaining an ounce. i have to practice, but i'm sittig here typing worthless words so they are simply out in the void. i am bent, but not broken. in a way, i feel i have learned to not break in these sort f situations and just let things go. if they were meant to be, then they were meant to be, but i can't help but wonder where this went wrong, if this went wrong, if this was ever anything to begin with. i fucking hate momentum in this sense, but it's too late to say anything now. but knowing is better than wondering... or is it? i really don't care anymore... or do i? if i didn't, i won't think i'd be writing about it... weekdays here make the weekends so much sweeter (amazing chocolate cake sweeter.... big amount, trust me). i hate the trombone and almost all brass instruments at this point. but i have gained a respect for brass players like you wouldn't believe. i know i would never put up with it. i don't bring my camera with me everywhere i go anymore and i realized how much i hate carrying purses around, although they are fun and lovely accessories to match things with. there are 7 vital things i need to carry around here, 4 of which are cards - my i.d. card, debit card (with cash on it of course, of course lol), key card to get into my room and guest card to admit guests into my room. the other three are my cell phone, glasses and pencil. the pencil is a musician thing, i suppose. i realized lately, i like running negative emotions off, if and when i have them - on the elliptical or the treadmill. maybe i'm running away from them too, temporarily, not that i want to run away from them. i love it so much here, and the people and my friends dearly. but there are times when i can't help but feel lonely, and anyone who knows me knows how much i hate loneliness. not even in a bf/gf relationship aspect. i'm saying in general. not like it matters. i miss home. i've been calling my ma and pa a lot lately. i also miss summer and it's warmth and some aspects of it, and i know i sound whiny, but i really do love it here. i promise. 

and i'm getting a new violin. i might start paying for it tomorrow, but i am in love with it and i can afford it, and i think that's what matters, right?

 my newest addiction?

'tell me baby' - the red hot chili peppers.

actually, their whole friggen stadium arcadium album.

H o p e   d a n g l e s   o n   a   s t r i n g

Like    slow    spinning    redemption

Winding in and winding out

The shine of it has caught my eye

And roped me in

So, mesmerizing and so hypnotizing, 

I am captivated, I am

V  i  n  d  i  c  a  t  e  d

I am selfish
I am wrong

I am right
I swear I'm right

S w e a r   I   k n e w   i t   a l l   a l o n g

And I am flawed, 

but I am cleaning up so well

I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself

So clear
Like the diamond in your ring
Cut to mirror your intention
Oversized and   o v e r w  h e l m e d
The shine of which has caught my eye
And rendered me
So isolated, so motivated
I am certain now that I am

V i n d i c a t e d . . .

So turn
up the corners of your lips
Part them and feel my finger tips
Trace the moment for forever

Defenses paper thin
Just one touch and I'll be in
Too deep now to ever swim against the current
S  o     l  e  t     m  e     s  l  i  p     a  w  a  y  .  .  . 
So let me slip against the current

Like hope
dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption...

i know i want this, but i don't know what to do about it. and i don't exactly know what's stopping me.

 

other than that, i haven't stopped smiling since i've gotten to school. i'm sure that's the explanation as to why my face has been hurting! lol. it feels good to be back and to see everyone again.

the work sucks though, it's been like the 2nd day of school and theory is already kicking my ass.

i really should stop procrastinating.

hi there,
i'm not too good with words, but here are a thousand of them

:o)

everytime i watch the notebook, some parts of the movie really touch my heart and rip out my soul, and during those moments, ESPECIALLY the last half hour of the movie, i cry and i cry and i cry and the tears never seem to stop because the story is so beautiful and i know it's such a cliched wish but i've always hoped that one day i will have a great love story and most importantly be able to share that great love with the one person who will make my life complete.

i don't want this summer to end.

kristine's amazing cotillion sunday night brought back every memory of all those unforgettable weekends packed with sweet sixteens our sophomore year of high school. and as i'm getting ready to move back to temple for my sophomore year of college, i just want to know, when was it suddenly okay for us to grow up?

because boredom has reached its maximum point

1. my alarm clock can never be set on a time ending in a '0' or '5'
2. i have never tried smoking cigarettes or pot
3. and i don't have any plans to.
4. i think that the cello is the most gorgeous sounding instrument
5. and although i don't play the cello, i wish i was a damn good cellist
6. i hate any kind of tension
7. i am deeply enamored by city life
8. new york city life, to be more specific
9. because everytime i'm there, i feel like that's where i belong
10. but maybe my heart is there because that's where i was born
11. i lived in nyc till i was three in an apartment on the 13th floor with my parents, across from the hospital where my mom worked as a nurse
12. we moved out to long island in july of 1990; four months before my brother was born.
13. i'm still bitter about sachem splitting our district in half senior year, more importantly, our senior class
14. to many people, i come off as an innocent, good girl
15. i really don't mean to, it just happens like that
16. get to know me and i'll let you be the judge.
17. laughing till my stomach hurts and tears are rolling down my face is one of my favorite things in life
18. i don't mind being a shorty
19. i still sleep with stuffed animals
20. right now, i am missing someone this intense amount
21. and to be honest, i'm afraid he doesn't know it
22. and i wish and wonder sometimes what would have happened if we had met earlier our freshman year of college
23. but the most important part is that we did meet
24. and that alone makes me ridiculously crazy and happy.
25. i don't have contacts or 20/20 vision
26. and i hate wearing my glasses; i seldom wear them
27. so i walk around with imperfect vision most of the time
28. and for next time, if you see me, sans glasses, and i don't wave to you, please don't get offended because i probably didn't see you!
29. two pieces that made me cry while playing onstage are shostakovich's 5th symphony and sibelius' 2nd symphony
30. they both were the concluding pieces of the SOS (school of orchestral studies) summer camp (shosty - 2003, sibelius - 2004; both held at the SPAC (saratoga performing arts center), under the baton of maestro russell stanger)
31. now about maestro russell stanger, i have never met a man with a love of music so great. from the way he cried at rehearsal when he heard beautiful sounds being produced, or how he was just simply immersed in the music. and for an 80+ year old man, he had all, if not more, energy than the 115 of us in the orchestra combined.
32. he is a big reason as to why i am a music major
33. those two summers were the best summers of my life
34. and sibelius' 2nd symphony is my favorite symphony in the world.
35. i love being with people who make me happy
36. and it doesn't take much to make me happy
37. i rarely like being alone
38. i'm surprised my computer hasn't crashed from the amount of pictures i've taken and the music i've downloaded from this year alone
39. i take way too many pictures
40. but i'm not a photographer
41. i hate the thought of flying in an airplane
42. but i get this exhillarating feeling once i'm in the sky, over the clouds
43. kind of like the same feeling i get during a thunderstorm
44. or right before the rollercoaster is about to take off
45. or when i'm completely crazy about someone.
46. i love fast, high, scary, rollercoasters.
47. and i never feel safe on a plane until we've landed.
48. i can be very shy
49. but i'm also crazy and loud, so it may seem as if i could never be shy
50. there are times when i don't know what to say
51. ...or don't want to say anything at all
51. i'm afraid that people will think i'm boring when that happens
52. but it's really because i like listening to you
53. i think i give pretty good advice
54. but things are easier said than done; i don't know if i'd even have the courage to take the advice i give sometimes
55. don't think i'm being hypocritial. most of the time, i've never been in the situations i am asked about.
56. i still haven't seen RENT on broadway
57. but i know almost all the lyrics to almost all the songs
58. acctually, i want to see a shitload of plays that are on broadway right now
59. i've seen three to date
60. i was a dancer for eight years - when i was 3 up until when i was 11.
61. i secretly wish i was a ballet dancer
62. or a rockette
63. i could listen to a song i love on repeat for long periods of time and never get sick of it
64. the glass is half-full
65. i got a piano for my 5th birthday present
66. i started piano lessons when i was 5
67. and i still play.
68. i need braces
69. daisies are my favorite flower
70. i met one of my best friends in kindergarten
71. and the other in fourth grade
72. the three of us are soul sisters and that's how it will be forever
73. i want my license
74. but i hate driving
75. i won't tell you when i'm mad at you
76. but i don't really get mad at people
77. unless you're my brother
78. but i love him so much.
79. i feel safest when someone is sleeping next to me
80. and holding me tight
81. i still like to listen to the spice girls and the backstreet boys
82. i'm pretty indecisive most of the time
83. my immune system is terrible and i am very prone to getting sick
84. my hair is very boring
85. but i can't understand why people like it so much
86. i always eat way more than i should
87. i know how to play the guitar
88. my family and my friends are my world
89. there are no words that could ever describe my love for them
90. i want to tour all of europe
91. and go to hawaii and the philippines
92. the last time i was in the philippines was when i was two
93. but i don't remember anything
94. i don't think i'm too compliated
95. i love the beach and the ocean
96. and i want my very own so i can have a beautiful, serene place to think
97. i have a tendency to think too much
98. i am in love with something or someone
99. i'm just afraid that i'll never figure out what or who it is.
100. i am so lucky and so blessed, and i don't want to ever take that for granted.


if you read all of that, you are seriously amazing.

the rednex's cotton eyed joe always puts me in a dancing mood. at this time of night (or early morning), i'm content just bopping around on my bed while typing this on my laptop just so i don't cause any kind of ruckus while everyone else in this house is sound asleep. it's playing on loop, and i couldn't be any happier with my song choice.

i've been seriously thinking about taking up dance classes again for this summer, but dinero would be an issue. i'm working at the allergists office out in riverhead for the fourth summer in a row (8-9 hours a day, three days a week, not too bad) but practically all of my paychecks are going towards a new violin (which i am in need of, according to ms. kwalwasser, my violin teacher). she said she'd help me violin shop (which is supposedly a long, annoying and painstaking process that could last for months before finding the right one) during the next school year once we find a solid price range (pretty much: $$ i make this summer + $$ parents are willing to give for this good cause = new violin). adjflkadklgmadskfm... i need another job. maybe i should advertise in the elementary schools and give lessons to little kids! gigs would be a sweet deal too.

donations are also very appreciated and are being accepted at this time. if using check or money order, please make it payable to the 'aileen needs a new violin pronto' fund. you're guaranteed a poodle and a lifetime supply of pringles, pop-tarts and blueberry muffins.

mmm... how can you possibly resist THAT